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Thoughts filled my head of Juan and his dad as they raped me. It was my fault, I put myself in that situation, I gave myself willingly, and I didn't even fight back, I let them do what they pleased. I didn't even know how to fight back, mom had never done it, and I laid there and let them have whatever they wanted from me, just like mom. It felt horrible at the time, but it got me hot immediately as I masturbated. I felt like my mom, like I was a toy that had been used. I felt beneath men, like they could have me when they pleased and as they pleased. I knew my place in this world, I knew I was a whore like my mom. I masturbated furiously, listening to mom's screaming, imagining myself getting violated. I orgasmed to thoughts of being violated, feeling bad and good about it, at the same time.I woke up the next morning completely naked, with my own hand on my vagina. I fell asleep masturbating, and my first thought waking up were of masturbating. My throat was sore and dry, my pussy. “We hear you guys are likely to fold after this summer,” Kevin said. “We were wondering if you’d like to join us as our main vocalist, and also do guitar and keyboards. Since Swannie left to do his own thing earlier we’ve had Ross Wilson filling in, but he’s got something starting in a month or two.”“Well, we’re not really folding,” I said. “Just scaling back the touring and stuff like that; this year we took a break to recharge, but for some of the others, family commitments make it had to be on the road for an extended period of time. Thanks for the offer, I’ll have to think about it, but I’m not sure if I’ll have the time once things start up again at the University, after February. And you know I don’t fly? I have a phobia about planes, I know it’s crazy, but even the thought of having to fly somewhere starts a panic attack.”“Yeah, fair enough, if you change your mind, let us know, okay?” Paul said. “Anyway, it should be a good gig tonight, we’ve been looking forward to playing.
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